what it's about

this is yet another bit of babbling introduction inspired by, well, introducing myself to a friend.. specifically, i finally (after almost two weeks) took some time to reach out to one of my friends to build a bridge that can bring us closer... being that anyone is welcome, almost, the open door i create with one friend eventually finds it's way online and this is the blog where i store these bits and pieces and long-winded babble that are potentially first drafts of autobiographies or guides to the writings or something like that... now that we've gotten that introduction clarified, this is what came out of an attempt to welcome a new friend into the written gardens (da da daahhhh)...

do you ever feel like you must be "on" when people are around because they probably would not like "off"? or even, does part of you live beneath the surface that nobody ever gets to see?... sometimes i think that describes me, sometimes i don't... i don't hide anything intentionally, i just share a lot less than i used to...

then again, there are depths within i have not visited in many years - and i do not mean depressions, i mean landscapes of memories, awareness, and personality that are simply sleeping because there is no time to indulge, to remember, to actualize... there are reasons beyond lack of time, but that is the primary reason (i mean, i am not taking the time to explore the reasons beyond lack of time due to the lack of time, but they are there)... now that i have more time, except for the constant screaming of "find an income fast" coming from the logical part of my brain, the depths long sleeping at stirring a bit (just a bit) and that is exciting, trepidations, and precarious (not always in that order, but still i feel a gleeful smile)...

I've played with words since memory began and have been writing words ever since i could first hold a crayon... i think in rhythm and feel in rhyme (and share a few words from time to time)... and I used to have more than 10,000 pages of rhymes and rambles online... and then there is music... music is the fluid carrying my spirit through my soul and words are the cells forming the bodies of my dreams... i spent so little time inside these days and so little time with music...

that is it for now, as an introduction of sorts... i do not allow myself the unlimited uninhibited writing time at the moment because i do not want to risk every possibility (one being find a mountain of sorts and live off the land and that would leave my roommie in the lurch and I do not want to do that)... part of me is considering taking the rest of the summer off and just indulging my every whim... if i find a job willing to let me start in September, I will likely do that (after counting pennies)...

and then, somewhat unexpectedly, the latest incarnation of what can loosely be called the hitchhiker's guide to the written gardens (da da daahhhh) kind of crept up on us like this (with soon to be added additional words because, well, that is what i do)...

a year or few ago, maybe four or six, ATT decided no more personal pages... before i could download the site i had there, those 10,000+ pages were deleted... poof, and i was gone from the internet after years of building the sites... don't trust free web host, even if you pay for another service they provide (phone)...

but there is hope... most of those pages are on a computer or disk somewhere in my boxes and someday i hope to make time to find them and then revise the links and put them back on the web... until then, there is the new stuff...

once upon a time, this was the personal site entrance (oooo, are we starting to write the guide?... well, maybe, but we we done with the intros a bit earlier, weren't we?... puzzled expressions all around as we proceeded ahead with several additional paragraphs above that might actually be becoming the hitchhiker's guide to {used to be here, the written gardens... still is, sort of, but so many of the links within this entrance no longer work... still, it's a historical document, so let's not get hysterical over what might have been moldy cheese}, cuz it was more like a guided tour through the written gardens {slowly i turn... reference to niagara falls abbott and costello, which, when this bit is fleshed out, should be accompanied by hyper-dramatic musical chords and the words slowly i turn each time the words the written gardens [da da daahhhh, slowly i turn] is mentioned}, yeah, that's the ticket {see you are witnessing the guide and subsequent skits and ultimate film version being created right before your eyes... shhhh, i have not copy written this email yet [BIG THUD]

pardon, s'cuse, we interrupt this parenthetic aside that interrupted the guide that was not intended to be written here but started to be written here anyway to bring you the following important announcement:

All Right Reserved (c) Candor Communication, 2012
[This includes this email and all other writings i added here]

we now return you to your regularly interrupted email...

which i hopefully just remedied and you too share in the excitement [feel free to overdramatize, it's just the working model first draft, after all] of the reincarnation of the explanatory notes for the written gardens [da da daahhhh, slowly i turn... oh yeah, now we're getting it... did i mention the sudden turn to the camera in the skit and film versions?] which shall continue now}, this could be monumental... epic, even, but we shall stop this parenthetic aside now as suddenly as it began) and alas, unfortunately, as with the main entrance, many links will not work due to the ATT fiasco (which was explained somewhere, but if not here, remind me to add it somewhere along the editing line, with a side of chocolate pudding please)... but many still work (links, that is... on that page above that was the subject of this writing before it was so innocently interrupted by the parenthetic aside monster) leads to this which is still not the page i recommend as a starting point, but the column on the left still work, mostly, the columns on the right are not so sure... but wait, there is the most recent way into the current writing... and before we quote emily littela...

so start here
yeah, we finally get to the link most recommended as a starting point (just be glad this is just the rough first draft because this link might not appear until chapter three or later in the final introduction, or perhaps even the end of the first volume)... the other two just give you background and unfinished business and the past, for what works, but the current rhymes and rambles are organized here... (opinions and complaints)

it is something around volume five or sixteen (or seventy, for all we know) of the complete works of the person i loosely call me, eighth edition (at least)... now as i mentioned on the phone, yesterday, i intended to eventually add a page for each site that would explain what each site was about, at least loosely... since i haven't done that yet, let's start here...

travel back in time with the dailies

this is where the daily writing goes, kind of like a diary or journal or, what do they call it now, a personal blog... the older ones are much more rambling, babbling, longer, meandering... the current one, (e)thereal or e-the-real (top link on the opinions and complaints links list at (opinions and complaints))

the second link, bullsugar, was kind of a side-saddle ride that couldn't decide if it was going to be a new daily replacing (e)thereal or what... it became what... at first i was almost impressed, and then, as with all of my other writing, i accommodated my humble relativity (or relative humility) that balances ego with altruism (or something like that) and accepted it as just another wonder wall upon which i splash pieces of brain and heart and occasionally other body parts...

the third, the funda, was what (e)thereal might have been had i gone more philosophical and less daily life rambling... it was a gift of sorts to an assorted few online writers way back when 24-hour blogathons were all the rage and presented pieces of brain in brief and even coherent bits for the fans around at the time... if you find time to visit the funda and start with the first post (click the archive link at the top, scroll down to the bottom, start with the bottom link, funda and witness the wit and wisdom for as long as you can stand it, then... try it sitting down)..

the fourth (link), we have only just begin... in RealTime™ was an attempt to find brevity in daily public writings after years of the babblings that was the fifth (link), behind the candoor, which was an attempt to unsapify (or diminish the emoness) of the preceding daily, planet candora, which is listed later in another section of the list of links because it did not really fit in with dailies even though it was the primary daily for a brief time...

the more kinda sorta legitimate (though still oddly different as the roots were embryonic) predecessor to behind the candoor was candor at live journal (for lack of a better name for the moment) also listed later in yet another section because it was sorta left hanging and in a what about bob? way, is temporarily disconnected and still somehow needs to be brought into the fold... then there is the deleted first journals that may be uploaded again someday (cuz there's always hope) and might be found partially here (unfortunately the links prior to 2003 were broken by att greed)...

and the other writing spaces in the alternate realities section are there because they are somewhat autobiographical, but more specialized than the dailies... and then there are all the other sections in the opinions and complaints list that maybe i'll explain those better if i ever get there...

so where were we? (i am surprisingly not sliding off on long and winding tangents nearly as much as i usually do, but then, as i said, i am not allowing myself the unlimited time, remember?... i said/wrote that when i said we were done with the intro (note, add wide-eyed stare here)... apparently, were were not quite completely done, but no worries, we should be done any time now, definitely within a fortnight, hopefully)...

so any of the other writing spaces linked at (opinions and complaints) that interest you (or that you have time for as you obviously have other things you can be doing that supersede wandering through the myriad of written gardens i've planted here, there, and anywhere on the web), just ask...

unfortunately, if you wish to engage the infinite improbability drive or the random entry generator, you are shit out of luck because the former is copy written and the later is broken... you can, however, simulate and manually operate the random entry generator by moving your mouse randomly over the links and clicking at whim and then continuing to move your mouse randomly over the links (and clicking at whim) on each subsequent page that the previous clicking at whim took you too... in the event of a page error, hit the back button and repeat the mouse randomly clicking at whim process hoping you avoid the link that took you to the page error, but in case you reach another page error, hit the back button and repeat the mouse randomly clicking at whim process hoping you avoid the link that took you to the page error, but in case... ok, let's not get too loopy...

on second thought, it is highly recommended (by me, even) that you utilize the guide that started above when we were done with the intros...

welcome to the written gardens (da da daahhhh...


ric
407-325-1482

PS... so what's up, ummmm, doc?

setting priorities

and sometimes i lament the lack of time to share the love inside and sometimes i remember that lament is wasting the moment that could be shared...


and while this may seem sad
to let go of a dream
it may only be life
however it may seem

so what's the point of living, really
when we die in the end
and what's the point of giving, really
does it make a friend?

and what's the point of sharing, really
when everyone goes away
and what's the point of caring, really
what makes someone stay?

and while this may seem sad
to always be alone
it may only be life
come and go on our own

so what's the point of crying, really
when we die in the end
and what's the point of lying, really
does it make a friend?

and what's the point of anything, really
the meaning we give it
and what's the point of life, really
just the way we live it

so why should it be sad
to face reality
it may be only life
and this may just be me

a song to contemplate
a song to understand
a song to meliorate
it's just an open hand

now reaching out to you
to share what living gives
for all we know is true
this is all that there is

so why should it be sad
to accept you and me
can share this moment now
make it all it can be

no it should not be sad
life is not just a dream
it is what we can share
right here, right now, a team

no it should not be sad
to accept you and me
can share this moment now
make it all it can be

let it be
let it be
let it be
just be
(with me)

sometimes secrets slip through

once again an unplanned communication reveals enough about me to copy and paste it here and i suppose that is a large part of what this blog space is about, a kind of reflective record of interactions with others that help me recollect, reveal, and record bits and pieces of myself for myself and anyone who might want to know... sometimes the obscurity respects privacy and sometimes it is just my playful way with words that seeks unique and maybe clever ways of writing what amounts to the same thing i've written all through this life... it is another side of me...

so the message was...

I may or may not have written the most to you in my life.
and i am charging up my zodiac strength to possibly find out what i will get you for my birthday.

and i woke from a refreshing slumber with an extra four plus hours cuz it is a day off and smiled at the text message that called me to write (a whole lot more than this) and the day continues, but for now, here is where it began...

and what do you want for your birthday?...

ah, but my birthday is april and yours is november, both the 6th, so there is time before either comes around on the calendar...

on the other hand, the calendar is meaningless to me most of the time and i have celebrated my birthday only two or three times in this life, which may be sad for some, but is as i know birthdays for me, so not as sad for me...

you wrote what i will get you for my birthday . . . like what you will get me for your birthday?... that is an interesting juxtaposition of pronouns - arrangement of words, that is...

what would you like to get me for your birthday?...

and writing...

wow, really?... i write more than i breathe sometimes... started when i could first hold a crayon, but got into writing a lot every day in my teens when i the girl i loved more than anything else in this life (more than myself) stopped loving me the way i loved her and that ending scarred me and started me on writing almost every day...

sometimes i write simple records of life, the hope is someone comes along (like her) who will want to know me so much that she will want to read every word... and sometimes writing is my therapy like it was in my teens - that is the babbling that few ever really understand cuz it rambles off on so many tangents that the threads of any meaning are hidden in the mass of words...

anyway, writing means a lot to me in many ways, from keeping me sane and functional and free in the 'real world' (out in public interacting and surviving with the other human beings) and happy in my own head understanding myself and what i want and how to get it...

some people don't care if they actually really share anything - like actually really understand each other...

that is sad...

i want to understand me... i want to understand you... so we can really share understanding and mean something we want to remember...

make sense to you?...

you may not want that, which is ok...

i wonder what you want...

(and do you know?)

i love days off :)

secrets?... what secrets? :)

too much candor?

this post perhaps belongs in the super secret blog called too much candor that i don't link here because, after all, it is super secret and you do not have access (except if you do and then you know how to find it when and if you want to), but here it will be anyway cuz, well, it is a message inspired by someone and sent to them, so it's not so super secret anymore, now is it?...

a stranger on facebook and youtube who i fb-friend and yt-follow has shared the story of her experience with grandma who had a massive 99% debilitating stroke recently and her advocacy and frustration with the health care system and without getting into further detail or introductory fanfare, it inspired this comment...

your experience with your grandma is very personal for me and i just want to thank you somewhat personally here (as personal as strangers on the internet get i suppose) as i am not looking to bring people who know me down with a public comment simply stating the fact that what happened to your grandma will likely happen to me someday and i can only hope i luck out with the kind of care i will receive, but more likely i will either just be found dead or i will rot (and be abused or neglected) in some people warehouse we call public hospitals or public nursing homes... i've worked hospitals all through this life and know the reality... simply, i have no family or anyone close... your grandma is blessed to have you and you are blessed to have family... the point of this message (for me) is to let you know because you might understand and somewhere inside the hope that someone might understand inspires my smile, but even more, to thank you for sharing your story and your grandma because that also gives me hope that love and family are real and maybe even still possible for me (sounds so pathetically emo and depressing... apologies for you do not know me well enough to know i am not depressed over the aloneness in this life i experience, just sad sometimes and still hopeful)... so thank you, seriously, thank you more than words can say :)

and holy crap what a flood of videos and comments and babbling followed that was not even recorded for blog entries but some of which can be found in sites i saw... you are now returned to your regularly scheduled stuff...

cyberspace connections

sometimes the words, images, and music placed online by a stranger somewhere out there in this (or perhaps another) world inspires the desire to connect and stay connected for one or many reasons and in those moments i realize that this is what this life is about, the connections we can establish and maintain... even if the connection is never more than the literary sharing of reader and writer who never actually exchange personal communication, there is a magic and wonder beyond even the typical audience/artist connection of author and reader, no less actor and audience...

so to that end, this blog is a connection to the inspirations those strangers present and in some cases, my reactions...

i created a blog here on wordpress just so i could subscribe because your words (and the thoughts, feelings, images, music, and 'you' that you put into your words) appeal to me enough to want to stay in touch with you... even if it is no more than a cyberspace virtual literary connection, the connection, you, inspired my smile enough to want to maintain it... irony is that i stumbled across you in my web wanderings before i realized your family connection and that was sweet icing on a cake i was already enjoying...

your honesty - more, the way you appear to open your heart in your words, your longing for love, for acceptance, for meaningful connection is evident to me and hopes my attention because you are creative, diverse, talented, and fascinating in many ways... i have not had time to explore everywhere in your artistic and personal world, but i want to one day...

i hope the few moments i spend here sharing these words help you understand and believe that it does not matter if you know it or not, your worth might go unrecognized or not acknowledged by many out here who read you, but you have more than the number of recorded subscribers and even some of us do not always find the words to show you the appreciation you deserve... when you find yourself doubting whether your time and energy spent here or anywhere sharing yourself on line is worth it, please quell those doubts with the knowledge that most readers read in silence and that silence is not a reflection on you, but rather, it is a lack of time, or words, or simply, shyness...

you inspire me and many with your candor... that is so rare in this world... i look forward to the ways you will share yourself in this life... and my hope is you continue to share, expand, grow, learn your worth and express yourself in ways that actualize your dreams...

sometimes the applause is silent, but it is out here :)

take care of yourself jade, and please continue :)

honest love,
ric

someday you'll see this

cuz against all odds, there is always hope and i still hope... it is an email to my former roommate, recently moved out of state (with her dog who we shall call happiness) and more important to me than either of us may either know... and those who know may have never known, really... but then, the road is long and winding and history has shown that no one in my daily life offline has shown enough interest in me to explore even the well exposed daily blogs, no less the blogs further down the list that is growing all the time (even the easiest ones to find like this one... i mean, google my name after all)... those of you who knew me when i corresponded regularly may see the deterioration of the skill and fragmented focus that has befallen the brain i inhabit over the years... compromise, broken dreams, shattered heartstrings, and so many attempts to give up have taken their toll and nobody comes close to knowing just how much damage is permanent and how far (or close) i'll be from the me we once knew when and if i ever return (not even me)...

but still, i leap, i dream, i hope... and i attempt, however feebly, to share...

so do i cross a line of human privacy here or do i obscure enough so that only a few might guess or does it even matter?... the point is to let you know me, you who arrived here hopefully because you want to know me... the rest who find this accidentally, well, here i am anyway...

dreaming...

cuz we are friends who blog
for her

for when you have the time, this babble below is sort of an introduction to the writer/writing part of me and also some of what i meant to actually say to you before i left (i like the expression i am imagining on your face at the moment cuz it is honest :)

the links above, i'll explain as i babble below...

i am taking this transition slow (cuz i can having little life responsibilities beyond work and myself), much slower than you (again, cuz there's no reason not to)... for better or worse, you jumped right from one busy life to another busy life, though a lot less busy thank goodness... but i mean you continue to have a daily social live, roommates and a relationship and the responsibilities for interacting daily that come with that... and you have happiness too who is a major daily responsibility... so if you understand what i mean, you have much more demands on your time and things and people to occupy your time than i do... i understand... please make no guilt, obligation, or responsibility to keep in touch or do anything for me... only what you want to do and what you have time to do, that is all i ask of you :)

i decided to spend this weekend writing (cuz i love to write for so many reasons and one is to remind myself who i am, what i want, and how i feel) cuz writing helps me put things in perspective and transition through life changes and end up smiling :)

i am not sure you ever really knew how much i write or why or how much of my writing ends up online... some writing is about actual life and people (you and happiness too), but everyone has an online name in my 'blogs' for privacy... yours is Jackson (mostly for "Jacksonville" but also for a Jackson Browne reference i'll have to think about someday to remember if you want me to) and his name is happiness cuz of his smile and that is what he brought into my world (you did too, but he smiles more than either of us so he gets that name), in case i never told you :)

i don't publicize or tell people, but some of the links are on my facebook so anybody who wants to take the time to know more can if they want to without asking me directly...not that the life i live is so interesting that someone would spend a lot of time reading or asking questions about it (but just in case someone falls in love with me and wants to, well, the writing is a starting point and most of all, the writing is how i do not stop sharing everything when there is nobody around to share with... does that make sense to you? (hope so, it's why i write :)

my disclaimer to all is that if ever anything offends or is uncomfortable for you, please tell me and i will change or delete what i put online cuz my intention is not to offend or hurt anyone...

what i just did and linked above is create a blog that is intended to be used by friends, preferably by friends i know in the physical world who blog (and at the moment, i have none that i know of)... not friends online who i never met, but people i actually am friends with in the physical world... especially friends i am close to... like you... if you ever want to write and know someone who loves you unconditionally and will always be as gentle and honest and understanding as possible when reading and above all else, someone who will always be on your side cares to read (cuz i care to know you cuz i love you, mushy awwwww and all that :)

the online writing space in the first link is for me and anyone i invite to write whatever they want to write... it is public for reading for now... it could be a private place online for two or a few or a semi private place or a public place if it is ever used... i used to share a private 'blog' with someone once upon a time... just like i used to share written correspondence with friends offline... the blog is just an idea for now... the second link above is just for you... if you want me to read, leave me in it, if not, you can remove me (no offense at all, i created it for you... i will show you how to use it if you want to use it and if you don't forget it :)

and you thought i rambled before, aye? lol :)

well, there are 51 other blogs at this one blogger website that i created or at least have access to write in them... and there are others on other websites too... this is often what i do when i sit in the recliner at night browsing the web and tapping the keys... i've been doing it for well over a decade online (and since i was first able to hold a crayon long before the internet) cuz writing is my way of sharing me with me and whomever might want to know and even more important for me, writing is my way of staying in touch with me and figuring things out... i tend to repeat myself from time to time, maybe ever looking for the perfect rhyme...

sometimes i may spend five minutes a day writing, sometimes hours a day... it depends on the other stuff going on in life and how much i have to say/write... i can see i will have more time for writing now that you and happiness are gone and so, i share this with you... the knowledge of my written gardens, as i call them... and the link above or the idea of sharing a blog (journal diary written correspondence, whatever we might call it) should you wish to try it...

i don't expect you to cuz you are busy and don't write much and am not asking you to, i am only saying it is there if you want to write or post pictures or whatever and it can be just for us (or we can create another just for us if you'd like) or for friends we share (you choose) or for whatever you want... from another perspective thinking about what you do for work - it might even be a great way for therapists to give a journal to a patient that they can keep private and only let their therapist see (an idea for therapy for the cyberspace generation, aye? :)

i also tend to digress a lot :)

anyway, cuz you know i am a dreamer and one of my dreams is of one online place where everyone i love will share whatever they want to share and i also love the idea of a special private online place for each of the people most important to me where we can share our secrets... kind of like facebook except we control the privacy much more... you may ask what prompted me to think you might like to write about your secrets and thoughts and feeling in a blog...

oh, you mean there's more of a point to all this than just rambling on about me? (did i mention that i often use self-mockery to keep my ego in check and amuse myself? :)

ok, see, i was finally sitting here looking around all all your stuff (yeah, i've been avoiding the fact that you and happiness are actually gone... there, i confessed, i am an emo child and avoid stuff i don't want to make really real now and then) and decided to think about starting to put the boxes in your room and started looking at the stuff in the open boxes for sorting and packing and i will eventually repack for shipping and found in the box closest to me, right next to me and this laptop a bag of your journals/diaries and i was floored at the fact that you left them and that you left them right here within arm's reach...

trust is what melts me most, in case you didn't know, and i feel so trusted :)

i didn't read, i just picked them up... touching them felt kind of sacred (just let me know when i get too emo, ok? lol lam... lam is laughing at myself, by the way... i do that a lot), and smiled the biggest smile i have smiled in a long long time (my eyes would have been way too blurry to read anyway and you should be laughing at me for that even as you think or say awwwww :)

and as if it was not evident to me already, your importance in my life hit me like a ton of bricks cuz there are just a half dozen or so people i;vet actually lived with and even fewer i've respected enough to actually want to live with and trusted willingly with complete access to me and my world and you are one of those few... no pressure, you deserve the trust and respect, and i expect nothing from you but your honesty and for you to be you... hear that most of all please :)

so i will take care of the things you left until sending them (and you let me know what you realistically have room for and what you want first) and i will store what you want to save and you will always have a place in my world for a visit or a shelter from any storm you may run into... i want you to know i appreciate the trust you give me... and what i can share, you are always welcome to... and as long as i have a roof over my head, you are always welcome to live under it and lean on me if you ever find yourself needing anything in this life...

i know i sort of said that, but sometimes it means more to see it in written words...

of course just cuz you mean a whole lot to me doesn't mean i mean a whole lot, more or less, to you... i'm not in love with you or thinking of you romantically (though my closeness to you may very well be somewhat (or a lot) delusional, aye?... honesty above all else, remember :)

my hope is you are embarking on your journey to even more success and happiness (and security and comfort and confidence and love) than you've ever had before... this bit of babble is just to kinda formally put into words to let you know you that you have one more person in this world who will always welcome you, support you, cheer for you, care for you, and hug you completely unconditionally under any circumstances anytime...

and if writing ever feels like something you want to do and you want someone who cares about you without any judgment or butting in or imposition to read what you write, i am here... if you want a blog just for you, you can keep one completely private too (i'll help you set it up)... if you want one just for you and me, let me know... if nothing else, maybe i can inspire you to write a few words for yourself or for me in email now and then :)

so... too much? (we can laugh at my intense emoness all we want, i do all the time :)

respond as you wish, when you wish, or not at all... no expectations, no obligations... just wanting you to know... no matter what you ever do, i will always love you :)

and you thought accepting a few dollars was a challenge, huh? :P lol lam laa :)


honest love,
ric
407-325-1482

there was a lot more, dozens of blog entries from (e)thereal to the imaginary creativity that has kept me going through everything and of course, there was some attempts at adjusting to the changes and maybe even some blurry clarity (in case you want to know)...

the fish market

was that too irreverent?... the title, i mean... well, you may have more of an opinion after realizing that this entry is presenting the response i sent to someone who reached out to me via the plenty of fish website... you may remember the profile and assessment and summary they put together from my answers to their questions... i wonder how much of that actually gets seen on their website... anyway, this was my response to the high-end call girl, i mean, classy lady (hey, she said sense of humor was as essential as breathing... wonder if she meant my sense of humor or somebody else's... irreverence is not just a great defense, it's also amusing sometimes... at least it is to me... anyway, as i was saying/writing before the parentheses interrupted) who responded to me today...

Finding what appears to be an email suggesting that you have reached out to me leads me to believe I ought to check my email more often... a sense of humor is the primary reason i am still alive, which is a suggestive way of agreeing with your first words... i am challenged by a lack of time for myself lately and in turn, a lack of sleep, so to say i am slacking on self-nurturing is an understatement, so whatever wisdom i may have suggests this is no time to start meeting new people... really, i consider myself a pathetic shell of the person i might have been had i not given everything away a few times in this life... still, i love to laugh at my pathos and don't cry over spilled milk (though give me a good tearjerker movie, but that's besides the point, he says slightly smirking)... you have, however, inspired my smile and i thank you for that and send you these words... erveryone is as equal as they want to be in my mind... i don't recall ever being on an actual date... i have not been formal in years, suits are in storage just north of niagara falls (slowly i turn) along with enough stuff to open an ebay store (which i might do one of these days if i ever take a day off)... i've been rich, i've been poor, i've been in between... i've enoyed all of it, though rich leaves much more time to play and i love to play (the child inside is alive and well and shall never give up on some dreams)... your 'life should be lived thirds' concept inspired this instant response (well, instant from my perspective) and interested in communicating with you... and i agree as i laugh at myself and say (to myself, you don't have to listen) - wonderful balance i've got to get better at one of these days... what?... not giving it all away every time? (self-mockery keeps me semi-sane, again, a comfortable smile that hopefully shows through in the words, but is noted just in case it doesn't)... and yes, i am told i write too much, share too much, give too much, even talk too much from time to time... most people seem to want bland and light, no matter what they say... writing is my personal pasttime... wanna see my blogs? (and if you are not laughing, oh well, i'm just not amusing you)...

i can be too serious too... so seriously, today i do not think that i am not the man you are looking for... that is my self-assessment of me, no judgment of you at all... that is not my decision, but just my guess... i am not trying to come on or turn you off, i am trying to be your friend... and yes, i have been told i am too honest too... i wonder if our senses of humor might be lifelong friends and never knew it... or tennis partners... do you play spades?... softball?... or perhaps you might just sell me a house someday...

wait, which part was the serious part again? :)

thank you for reaching out,
ric

http://candoor.net
http://bullsugar.blogspot.com
candoor@gmail.com
407-325-1482

and when i want more

i might whine aloud (or in print in relative public, like right here, for instance) and while it may start with self-pathetic pouting (or even venting re: the antiblog, look it up in the blogs of rhyme and prose i write below), it always ends up with a happy confirmation of my belief in myself (even if that is delusional) as you might see in the process exposed to words below...

so i will just keep deluding myself into believing my few minutes (or hours, sometimes) a day putting videos online in my own pop news blog (that amuses me with stories and information I find in the news or on youtube or somewhere, some tongue in cheek, some controversial, some serious, some irreverent) or in my more personal video me blog (where I put videos that touch me, reflect me, affect me, and in some ways, represent me)… and the time I take to write words in my current daily life blog which is what it is, a record of the life I live and it matters to me…

even if no one ever cares to share any of it…

and all the rest, the bullsugar and blogs of rhymes and prose i write and even the deleted pages (which I will do my best to find and re-upload one day cuz I care, again, even if nobody else ever does), they matter, even if that is just my delusion and I am a fool for believing it…

but I’m not…