Yeah, so a lot of letters to friends were channeled elsewhere in a blog specifically for one very special friend (go fish lol... oh, laugh.. maybe I'll link it later... you could always ask if it matters to you, right?) and I've sort of neglected this blog, so here's one that crosses blog borders. Within the letter to the very special friend is a letter to a stranger (yet another bog, aye) which refers to a profile (yet another blog, ya see?) which... we'll, you can ask if if it matters to you, m'ok?) lol. We could be having so much fun if you were playing along. Or here even.
What are we up to, a dozen? Probably a few dozen if we go back ten years to when we first because roommies and best friends. Anyway, I will keep keeping in touch with the parts of you that you hide away cuz somebody's gotta do it (and besides, I loves ya and want what is best for you, but you oughta know that by now. :)
Are you writing?
I know you tell yourself you should journal whenever your deeper stuff comes closer to the surface and threatens your happiness, but then you forget and hope the deeper stuff never surfaces again once it settles down.
Until you trust yourself enough to trust your partner to be your closest confident who hears everything without restriction, you really ought to write. So this is a reminder. The words might bite, but they don't leave marks.
Not writing does.
Oooo, heavy huh?
Yeah, cuz not writing allows hiding, repression, suppression, and all the thinking errors that comes from that. The therapist knows. That's you, by the way :)
So here's a reminder, ok? Write.
And here's a distraction, right on time...
Someone from the roommate site wrote to me. A guy, 44 y/o working for the state and living with his mom in Deltona because he can't afford his own place. Seems to be a common theme in our world today. Anyway, this was my response (let me know what you think - don't sugar coat it lol :P :)
I've been renting a room from a nice guy in the ghetto area of downtown Sanford for over a year. I told him it would be for a month or two at the most lol. It is a five minute walk to my desk, but the occasional shootings in the area make it less than a pleasant idea. The space is too small, so I am paying for storage, and there are other reasons I want to share another space, but that's a discussion for another time if we decide we will be friends. My last roommate before this guy is one of my best friends and we are still closer than most brothers and sisters. I don't expect a roommate to be a best friend or family, but I am a caring person and when living in the same space with someone, friendships can happen. If you are a very private person who is not into making a new friend, that's fine too as long as we agree to polite sharing of space with compromises and boundaries we both can live with. I am flexible and do my best to see the positive and make the best of every situation. :)
Being so close to work is not the only reason I've been dragging my feet about moving out of here. I am seriously considering buying a house. I would not be able to afford anything more that a needy fixer upper unless I had income from renting a room or garage apartment or something and I am not sure I want to depend on that uncertain income with the risk of losing the house if I lose the extra rent. Still, I've been telling myself that if the right roommate came along, I'd definitely want to be out of here into a better place. Here I share a bathroom, don't use the kitchen or living room, don't have my bed or TV or comforts. It's just a place to sleep (and not a clean space outside of my room).
So where do we go from here? :)
Who are you? lol. You may be asking the same questions about me, so... I spend 50+ hours a week working for the County as the "County Safety Officer" and spend my free time playing softball, writing journals to myself, listening to music or TV, reading (mostly on the web rather than offline these days), and socializing with friends. I enjoy time home at the computer, especially while I am economizing as I am doing these days. My previous jobs paid about twice what I make working for the County, but I enjoy the job and will stay with it unless a dramatically better opportunity comes up. You can peek into my world on Facebook by looking up Bugs Webbot. I created the account some twelve years ago when "monikers" were the way to go and the name stuck. I am not there much, but friends post to the page now and then. I really don't like Facebook, but I secretly love it when they do (shhhh lol).
My profile summarizes what I want in a place and roommate, so ask me whatever you'd like to now. I believe in honesty and doing no harm. I try to live up to that ideal. I avoid the news and drama as much as possible, preferring to enjoy the moments of life in my immediate environment with those who care to share time and space and activities with me. I also enjoy being alone, in fact, I require alone-time and can find it anywhere inside my head (and by doing solitary activities).
There's also a part of me who longs to be in love again and I can smile at that with all the trauma of typical heartbreak songs (and laugh at the futility of life, love, and everything. Douglas Adams, Stephen King, Richard Bach, Robert Heinlein, and Dr. Seuss all speak to me. As do Harry Chapin, Jackson Browne, Bernie Taupin (Elton John), Billy Joel, Melissa Etheridge, Dan Fogelberg, Tim Rice (Andrew Lloyd Webber), and a whole lot of other pop-culture wordsmiths as well. I can cry at romantic comedies and laugh at horror films.
Maybe I've not pushed to move out of here because I am waiting to find the love of my life. lol lam.
I have an irreverent sense of humor and a different perspective of most things than most people. I mean no offense and to avoid misunderstanding and arguments, I often nod and keep my opinions to myself, unless I trust the person in the conversation. I trust way too easily, but trust no one on some levels. I do not want to stop believing in the goodness of nature and the human heart in spite of the evidence to the contrary.
That's not always easy :)
If I've already shared way too much, just say so. I respect boundaries and different opinions, even those I believe to be wrong or harmful. I just do my best to avoid the harmful and ignore the wrong.
That's not always easy either. :)
Hopefully you are smiling at my attempt to introduce myself. After all, if we are to take sharing living space and expenses seriously, we should find some basic understanding of each other and trust we will care about each other and the stuff we keep in our living space. I don't have much stuff for a living room, most of my stuff is kitchen or bedroom or clothing stuff. I will want to buy a recliner and we can talk about anything else we want to put into the apartment or house if we decide we are compatible roommates.
So... your turn? :)
Call if it's easier. I tend to ramble on when I write (you'd never have noticed, right?). I also tend to mock myself a lot. lol and lam (laughing at myself). My writing is a form of therapy and is mostly to myself, but there was a time I had many correspondents (pen pals) and even published small magazines for writers and pen pals. A lot of my babbling (as I call it) ends up on the web in obscure "blogs" and I don't think it's a desperate attempt to find fame and fortune, but I'd certainly accept the fortune if it came my way. :)
Hopefully all these words have not ended the beginning of a beautiful friendship (so I'm not Bogart, but I can hum a few bars :)
Hope to hear from you and find some time to get together and explore what we want in a roommate and where we might find a place we both like. We don't have to sing the "getting to know you" song. :)
I don't proofread so hopefully any typos amuse rather than confuse. Tell me about you?
Make it a great week.
So, E...... who else knows me well enough to tell me the truth, after all?
Make it a good day, let me know how you are (notes done? Yahoo? Kids? Relationship? Most important of all, you?). And make time for yourself. Write!
Cuz I really do care, ya know? :)