Someone I Used To Know

Tonight (or some night among many nights), a friend told me about some guy renting rooms in his houses and I thanked him, but the location was way too far from work or softball and I do not want to add the stress and time of driving an extra 90-150 minutes every day. He does not get out much, doesn't work, and so it seems he did not think about the travel time for someone who works full time and plays a lot of ball. In thanking him and explaining why I do not want to talk to the guy with the place in the location he suggested, I explained life as I've known it for some time and while this might have been a very depressing letter at one time, it is reality and accepted as such, I do not succumb to the pity party that the living situations I've known could turn into.

Girls just wanna have fun, wherever they are, after all.

So without further ados or adonts, and with the brain seriously shutting down after a very long 4 days of very little sleep and a whole lot of softball (did I mention this was written another night?), I give you the result of some reality-quest game of introspective exploration of the rhymes and reasons of the current events and status of life in this physical world over the past few years.

Or something like that.

I appreciate you trying to help me find a better place. I am just very reluctant to move into another situation where I do not have the freedom to relax as I'd like to. If the mice/rats that moved into the space above the ceiling eat through the ceiling or walls and start eating the food stuffs in the living space, I may have to take whatever I can find, but I would rather not go sideways into another unknown sharing a bathroom with a stranger and living like a refugee out of a suitcase and boxes. I've been doing it for more than two years (in this space more than a year) and I really don't want to make another move until I find a pace where I can have more space, my own bathroom, and some reasonable kitchen and living space sharing. Cleaner, most definitely. The old saying the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know - the devil I know, here, I have some control over. He tolerates the bleach smell in the bathroom (because I spray with diluted bleach to disinfect at least daily) and he leaves me alone. I use the laundry and the microwave and have a little fridge space and do everything else in "my room."

It's a confining limited sometimes uncomfortable life with no cough or recliner to sit on, just a desk chair and folding tables as a "desk" and just an air mattress to sleep on, but it's 3 minutes from work and as I said above, I can clean my way.

Ok, too much seriousness is worse than diaper rash. I am so tired, most of the brain cells have shut down for the night. I am also grumpy because I pigged out on high calorie junk food over the weekend and put the brakes on that hard today only eating some chicken and a protein drink. I am back to a 800-1000 calorie daily diet for the next few weeks, maybe longer. My comfort food gone, the grumps are always close to the surface. But I must do it for health reasons so I will do it for health reasons and suffer emotionally for a while. Life has changed so much since when we first met. I had much more income and savings and energy and optimism and motivation and resiliency and other magical stuff. I am on a path to finding the non-material stuff in a life with much less money and zero savings in spite of the challenges low income and zero savings brings every day.

Ground control to Major Tom...

Now you have been updated on the conditions and situations and circumstances and experiences, however momentary, so thanks for caring and listening and singing frog songs. Fred is happy. Major Tom is drifting. Wacko is still waiting for me to come out to play again. And I still have hopes of finding love and laughter and living happiily ever after with the soulmate-partner of my dreams. Even if it is just in my dreams. )

I should eat more fruit.

la la la,
me and my shadow