what it's about

this is yet another bit of babbling introduction inspired by, well, introducing myself to a friend.. specifically, i finally (after almost two weeks) took some time to reach out to one of my friends to build a bridge that can bring us closer... being that anyone is welcome, almost, the open door i create with one friend eventually finds it's way online and this is the blog where i store these bits and pieces and long-winded babble that are potentially first drafts of autobiographies or guides to the writings or something like that... now that we've gotten that introduction clarified, this is what came out of an attempt to welcome a new friend into the written gardens (da da daahhhh)...

do you ever feel like you must be "on" when people are around because they probably would not like "off"? or even, does part of you live beneath the surface that nobody ever gets to see?... sometimes i think that describes me, sometimes i don't... i don't hide anything intentionally, i just share a lot less than i used to...

then again, there are depths within i have not visited in many years - and i do not mean depressions, i mean landscapes of memories, awareness, and personality that are simply sleeping because there is no time to indulge, to remember, to actualize... there are reasons beyond lack of time, but that is the primary reason (i mean, i am not taking the time to explore the reasons beyond lack of time due to the lack of time, but they are there)... now that i have more time, except for the constant screaming of "find an income fast" coming from the logical part of my brain, the depths long sleeping at stirring a bit (just a bit) and that is exciting, trepidations, and precarious (not always in that order, but still i feel a gleeful smile)...

I've played with words since memory began and have been writing words ever since i could first hold a crayon... i think in rhythm and feel in rhyme (and share a few words from time to time)... and I used to have more than 10,000 pages of rhymes and rambles online... and then there is music... music is the fluid carrying my spirit through my soul and words are the cells forming the bodies of my dreams... i spent so little time inside these days and so little time with music...

that is it for now, as an introduction of sorts... i do not allow myself the unlimited uninhibited writing time at the moment because i do not want to risk every possibility (one being find a mountain of sorts and live off the land and that would leave my roommie in the lurch and I do not want to do that)... part of me is considering taking the rest of the summer off and just indulging my every whim... if i find a job willing to let me start in September, I will likely do that (after counting pennies)...

and then, somewhat unexpectedly, the latest incarnation of what can loosely be called the hitchhiker's guide to the written gardens (da da daahhhh) kind of crept up on us like this (with soon to be added additional words because, well, that is what i do)...

a year or few ago, maybe four or six, ATT decided no more personal pages... before i could download the site i had there, those 10,000+ pages were deleted... poof, and i was gone from the internet after years of building the sites... don't trust free web host, even if you pay for another service they provide (phone)...

but there is hope... most of those pages are on a computer or disk somewhere in my boxes and someday i hope to make time to find them and then revise the links and put them back on the web... until then, there is the new stuff...

once upon a time, this was the personal site entrance (oooo, are we starting to write the guide?... well, maybe, but we we done with the intros a bit earlier, weren't we?... puzzled expressions all around as we proceeded ahead with several additional paragraphs above that might actually be becoming the hitchhiker's guide to {used to be here, the written gardens... still is, sort of, but so many of the links within this entrance no longer work... still, it's a historical document, so let's not get hysterical over what might have been moldy cheese}, cuz it was more like a guided tour through the written gardens {slowly i turn... reference to niagara falls abbott and costello, which, when this bit is fleshed out, should be accompanied by hyper-dramatic musical chords and the words slowly i turn each time the words the written gardens [da da daahhhh, slowly i turn] is mentioned}, yeah, that's the ticket {see you are witnessing the guide and subsequent skits and ultimate film version being created right before your eyes... shhhh, i have not copy written this email yet [BIG THUD]

pardon, s'cuse, we interrupt this parenthetic aside that interrupted the guide that was not intended to be written here but started to be written here anyway to bring you the following important announcement:

All Right Reserved (c) Candor Communication, 2012
[This includes this email and all other writings i added here]

we now return you to your regularly interrupted email...

which i hopefully just remedied and you too share in the excitement [feel free to overdramatize, it's just the working model first draft, after all] of the reincarnation of the explanatory notes for the written gardens [da da daahhhh, slowly i turn... oh yeah, now we're getting it... did i mention the sudden turn to the camera in the skit and film versions?] which shall continue now}, this could be monumental... epic, even, but we shall stop this parenthetic aside now as suddenly as it began) and alas, unfortunately, as with the main entrance, many links will not work due to the ATT fiasco (which was explained somewhere, but if not here, remind me to add it somewhere along the editing line, with a side of chocolate pudding please)... but many still work (links, that is... on that page above that was the subject of this writing before it was so innocently interrupted by the parenthetic aside monster) leads to this which is still not the page i recommend as a starting point, but the column on the left still work, mostly, the columns on the right are not so sure... but wait, there is the most recent way into the current writing... and before we quote emily littela...

so start here
yeah, we finally get to the link most recommended as a starting point (just be glad this is just the rough first draft because this link might not appear until chapter three or later in the final introduction, or perhaps even the end of the first volume)... the other two just give you background and unfinished business and the past, for what works, but the current rhymes and rambles are organized here... (opinions and complaints)

it is something around volume five or sixteen (or seventy, for all we know) of the complete works of the person i loosely call me, eighth edition (at least)... now as i mentioned on the phone, yesterday, i intended to eventually add a page for each site that would explain what each site was about, at least loosely... since i haven't done that yet, let's start here...

travel back in time with the dailies

this is where the daily writing goes, kind of like a diary or journal or, what do they call it now, a personal blog... the older ones are much more rambling, babbling, longer, meandering... the current one, (e)thereal or e-the-real (top link on the opinions and complaints links list at (opinions and complaints))

the second link, bullsugar, was kind of a side-saddle ride that couldn't decide if it was going to be a new daily replacing (e)thereal or what... it became what... at first i was almost impressed, and then, as with all of my other writing, i accommodated my humble relativity (or relative humility) that balances ego with altruism (or something like that) and accepted it as just another wonder wall upon which i splash pieces of brain and heart and occasionally other body parts...

the third, the funda, was what (e)thereal might have been had i gone more philosophical and less daily life rambling... it was a gift of sorts to an assorted few online writers way back when 24-hour blogathons were all the rage and presented pieces of brain in brief and even coherent bits for the fans around at the time... if you find time to visit the funda and start with the first post (click the archive link at the top, scroll down to the bottom, start with the bottom link, funda and witness the wit and wisdom for as long as you can stand it, then... try it sitting down)..

the fourth (link), we have only just begin... in RealTime™ was an attempt to find brevity in daily public writings after years of the babblings that was the fifth (link), behind the candoor, which was an attempt to unsapify (or diminish the emoness) of the preceding daily, planet candora, which is listed later in another section of the list of links because it did not really fit in with dailies even though it was the primary daily for a brief time...

the more kinda sorta legitimate (though still oddly different as the roots were embryonic) predecessor to behind the candoor was candor at live journal (for lack of a better name for the moment) also listed later in yet another section because it was sorta left hanging and in a what about bob? way, is temporarily disconnected and still somehow needs to be brought into the fold... then there is the deleted first journals that may be uploaded again someday (cuz there's always hope) and might be found partially here (unfortunately the links prior to 2003 were broken by att greed)...

and the other writing spaces in the alternate realities section are there because they are somewhat autobiographical, but more specialized than the dailies... and then there are all the other sections in the opinions and complaints list that maybe i'll explain those better if i ever get there...

so where were we? (i am surprisingly not sliding off on long and winding tangents nearly as much as i usually do, but then, as i said, i am not allowing myself the unlimited time, remember?... i said/wrote that when i said we were done with the intro (note, add wide-eyed stare here)... apparently, were were not quite completely done, but no worries, we should be done any time now, definitely within a fortnight, hopefully)...

so any of the other writing spaces linked at (opinions and complaints) that interest you (or that you have time for as you obviously have other things you can be doing that supersede wandering through the myriad of written gardens i've planted here, there, and anywhere on the web), just ask...

unfortunately, if you wish to engage the infinite improbability drive or the random entry generator, you are shit out of luck because the former is copy written and the later is broken... you can, however, simulate and manually operate the random entry generator by moving your mouse randomly over the links and clicking at whim and then continuing to move your mouse randomly over the links (and clicking at whim) on each subsequent page that the previous clicking at whim took you too... in the event of a page error, hit the back button and repeat the mouse randomly clicking at whim process hoping you avoid the link that took you to the page error, but in case you reach another page error, hit the back button and repeat the mouse randomly clicking at whim process hoping you avoid the link that took you to the page error, but in case... ok, let's not get too loopy...

on second thought, it is highly recommended (by me, even) that you utilize the guide that started above when we were done with the intros...

welcome to the written gardens (da da daahhhh...


ric
407-325-1482

PS... so what's up, ummmm, doc?

setting priorities

and sometimes i lament the lack of time to share the love inside and sometimes i remember that lament is wasting the moment that could be shared...


and while this may seem sad
to let go of a dream
it may only be life
however it may seem

so what's the point of living, really
when we die in the end
and what's the point of giving, really
does it make a friend?

and what's the point of sharing, really
when everyone goes away
and what's the point of caring, really
what makes someone stay?

and while this may seem sad
to always be alone
it may only be life
come and go on our own

so what's the point of crying, really
when we die in the end
and what's the point of lying, really
does it make a friend?

and what's the point of anything, really
the meaning we give it
and what's the point of life, really
just the way we live it

so why should it be sad
to face reality
it may be only life
and this may just be me

a song to contemplate
a song to understand
a song to meliorate
it's just an open hand

now reaching out to you
to share what living gives
for all we know is true
this is all that there is

so why should it be sad
to accept you and me
can share this moment now
make it all it can be

no it should not be sad
life is not just a dream
it is what we can share
right here, right now, a team

no it should not be sad
to accept you and me
can share this moment now
make it all it can be

let it be
let it be
let it be
just be
(with me)

too much candor?

this post perhaps belongs in the super secret blog called too much candor that i don't link here because, after all, it is super secret and you do not have access (except if you do and then you know how to find it when and if you want to), but here it will be anyway cuz, well, it is a message inspired by someone and sent to them, so it's not so super secret anymore, now is it?...

a stranger on facebook and youtube who i fb-friend and yt-follow has shared the story of her experience with grandma who had a massive 99% debilitating stroke recently and her advocacy and frustration with the health care system and without getting into further detail or introductory fanfare, it inspired this comment...

your experience with your grandma is very personal for me and i just want to thank you somewhat personally here (as personal as strangers on the internet get i suppose) as i am not looking to bring people who know me down with a public comment simply stating the fact that what happened to your grandma will likely happen to me someday and i can only hope i luck out with the kind of care i will receive, but more likely i will either just be found dead or i will rot (and be abused or neglected) in some people warehouse we call public hospitals or public nursing homes... i've worked hospitals all through this life and know the reality... simply, i have no family or anyone close... your grandma is blessed to have you and you are blessed to have family... the point of this message (for me) is to let you know because you might understand and somewhere inside the hope that someone might understand inspires my smile, but even more, to thank you for sharing your story and your grandma because that also gives me hope that love and family are real and maybe even still possible for me (sounds so pathetically emo and depressing... apologies for you do not know me well enough to know i am not depressed over the aloneness in this life i experience, just sad sometimes and still hopeful)... so thank you, seriously, thank you more than words can say :)

and holy crap what a flood of videos and comments and babbling followed that was not even recorded for blog entries but some of which can be found in sites i saw... you are now returned to your regularly scheduled stuff...

cyberspace connections

sometimes the words, images, and music placed online by a stranger somewhere out there in this (or perhaps another) world inspires the desire to connect and stay connected for one or many reasons and in those moments i realize that this is what this life is about, the connections we can establish and maintain... even if the connection is never more than the literary sharing of reader and writer who never actually exchange personal communication, there is a magic and wonder beyond even the typical audience/artist connection of author and reader, no less actor and audience...

so to that end, this blog is a connection to the inspirations those strangers present and in some cases, my reactions...

i created a blog here on wordpress just so i could subscribe because your words (and the thoughts, feelings, images, music, and 'you' that you put into your words) appeal to me enough to want to stay in touch with you... even if it is no more than a cyberspace virtual literary connection, the connection, you, inspired my smile enough to want to maintain it... irony is that i stumbled across you in my web wanderings before i realized your family connection and that was sweet icing on a cake i was already enjoying...

your honesty - more, the way you appear to open your heart in your words, your longing for love, for acceptance, for meaningful connection is evident to me and hopes my attention because you are creative, diverse, talented, and fascinating in many ways... i have not had time to explore everywhere in your artistic and personal world, but i want to one day...

i hope the few moments i spend here sharing these words help you understand and believe that it does not matter if you know it or not, your worth might go unrecognized or not acknowledged by many out here who read you, but you have more than the number of recorded subscribers and even some of us do not always find the words to show you the appreciation you deserve... when you find yourself doubting whether your time and energy spent here or anywhere sharing yourself on line is worth it, please quell those doubts with the knowledge that most readers read in silence and that silence is not a reflection on you, but rather, it is a lack of time, or words, or simply, shyness...

you inspire me and many with your candor... that is so rare in this world... i look forward to the ways you will share yourself in this life... and my hope is you continue to share, expand, grow, learn your worth and express yourself in ways that actualize your dreams...

sometimes the applause is silent, but it is out here :)

take care of yourself jade, and please continue :)

honest love,
ric

the fish market

was that too irreverent?... the title, i mean... well, you may have more of an opinion after realizing that this entry is presenting the response i sent to someone who reached out to me via the plenty of fish website... you may remember the profile and assessment and summary they put together from my answers to their questions... i wonder how much of that actually gets seen on their website... anyway, this was my response to the high-end call girl, i mean, classy lady (hey, she said sense of humor was as essential as breathing... wonder if she meant my sense of humor or somebody else's... irreverence is not just a great defense, it's also amusing sometimes... at least it is to me... anyway, as i was saying/writing before the parentheses interrupted) who responded to me today...

Finding what appears to be an email suggesting that you have reached out to me leads me to believe I ought to check my email more often... a sense of humor is the primary reason i am still alive, which is a suggestive way of agreeing with your first words... i am challenged by a lack of time for myself lately and in turn, a lack of sleep, so to say i am slacking on self-nurturing is an understatement, so whatever wisdom i may have suggests this is no time to start meeting new people... really, i consider myself a pathetic shell of the person i might have been had i not given everything away a few times in this life... still, i love to laugh at my pathos and don't cry over spilled milk (though give me a good tearjerker movie, but that's besides the point, he says slightly smirking)... you have, however, inspired my smile and i thank you for that and send you these words... erveryone is as equal as they want to be in my mind... i don't recall ever being on an actual date... i have not been formal in years, suits are in storage just north of niagara falls (slowly i turn) along with enough stuff to open an ebay store (which i might do one of these days if i ever take a day off)... i've been rich, i've been poor, i've been in between... i've enoyed all of it, though rich leaves much more time to play and i love to play (the child inside is alive and well and shall never give up on some dreams)... your 'life should be lived thirds' concept inspired this instant response (well, instant from my perspective) and interested in communicating with you... and i agree as i laugh at myself and say (to myself, you don't have to listen) - wonderful balance i've got to get better at one of these days... what?... not giving it all away every time? (self-mockery keeps me semi-sane, again, a comfortable smile that hopefully shows through in the words, but is noted just in case it doesn't)... and yes, i am told i write too much, share too much, give too much, even talk too much from time to time... most people seem to want bland and light, no matter what they say... writing is my personal pasttime... wanna see my blogs? (and if you are not laughing, oh well, i'm just not amusing you)...

i can be too serious too... so seriously, today i do not think that i am not the man you are looking for... that is my self-assessment of me, no judgment of you at all... that is not my decision, but just my guess... i am not trying to come on or turn you off, i am trying to be your friend... and yes, i have been told i am too honest too... i wonder if our senses of humor might be lifelong friends and never knew it... or tennis partners... do you play spades?... softball?... or perhaps you might just sell me a house someday...

wait, which part was the serious part again? :)

thank you for reaching out,
ric

http://candoor.net
http://bullsugar.blogspot.com
candoor@gmail.com
407-325-1482