hope

inspired by a personal vlog...

laci, dear laci, you are not as alone as you may feel... you are one of the few, sadly, who refuse to let go of the awareness available to every child who dares to use the mind and feel openly, honestly, and beyond the fear forced upon us all by oppressive cultural rituals and controlling forces (governments, religions, economic structures)...

i have lived long, relatively, and yet still touch the first moment of awareness i felt as a very young child before anyone could convince me that love and trust and truth and sharing and caring were wrong... before i bought into the fears, i bought into the love and nothing is stronger...

along the way many other emotions have competed and at times, dark depressing weights blinded me to the love, but somewhere inside that same unrelenting drive to be aware, to love, to care that brought on the depressing hopelessness was the saving grace that shined with hope as i found myself laughing at myself - never give up, never surrender, the madness of the stubbornness of not giving into fear, of not turning off the awareness, of not leaving - or losing my mind...

so strange the feeling that not being able to escape the awareness, not being able to let go of the caring, not being able to step out of my mind can feel like losing my mind... but here i am, battered and beaten and gasping my last breath now and then, yet still walking on through the wind (song from carousel and the md telethon) and realizing that it is just a matter of perspective...

it doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full, what matters is will you drink it or die of thirst...

the greatest challenge in life for me has been to maintain hope during the moments of despair when people i loved and trusted betrayed me, when the weight of the world seemed to come crashing down on my shoulders, when i felt not just helpless, but worthless because i was not seeing how i could do anything more to help anyone or myself, when i wondered if i could do anything more, when i felt lost and did not know what to do...

in those moments i reached deep inside for the child i was, the child i am, the child who said no to fear, no to doubt, no to the grown up world that sought to oppress and devour my hope and love... and that child inside smiles even as i whimper, even as i shudder, even as i cringe with desperation, for that child lives and knows the strength and power of believing in love...

i see the child in you, in your eyes when you share your hopefulness and enlightened thoughts... i hope that my recognition of that part of you might help you feel less alone and help you remember your strength and most of all, help you remember that you see the big picture - humanity with all it's faults - and still can believe in the love within yourself... you are aware and enlightened and beautiful and that fact - that you are as you are - proves a human can overcome the fears and all the cruelties and self-destruction that those fears create... if you can do it, others can do it... so there is the hope for humanity, the proof in who you are...

it is challenging to wait for enough people to catch up so humanity as a collective species takes another evolutionary leap forward in conscious awareness... the best we can do is be the role models we are and take solace that there are a few others out here who understand...

let this be a comforting hug, a safe understanding that it's ok to feel the weight, that it's ok to feel the depression and throw a pity-party for humanity for it is a pity that so much human life is wasted and has been wasted... and let this also help you see the way out of that hopeless helpless malaise... take my hand, at least mentally/emotionally in these words, when you feel down and i rejoice in the fact that i feel strong enough to offer it...

let this be a thank you for the times i felt down and your voice/positivity lifted me :)

honest love, ric