Brillance

Typically I do not link the source for inspiration to write these letters to friends out of respect for the privacy of the friends who inspire the letters, but this is a unique friend who's lived and danced in my mind for many decades now and he is brilliant and wouldn't mind that I share his brilliance with you.

Hug. I feel like we're old friends, at least in my mind. Your words have lived there for more than 50 years so far. :)

I know loss and loneliness. I've accepted that filling the space, internally and externally, of a lifelong partner is relatively impossible - which is a sadness without a bottom that I do my best to spend little time in because I can only tread on the surface for so long. There is, I learned as a young child (and am lucky enough to still remember sometimes) this wonderful momentary experience called life and experiencing the senses this body still affords me in each moment as fully as I can is still the best experience I can enjoy by myself. Do I do that as much a possible

I still dream of finding another compatible partner for however much longer this body keeps breathing (and I'm hoping for several more decades as I would like to see what being 100 years old is like for real, rather than just feeling like it now and then lol) and keep my heart and mind open to the possibility. At least a close enough friends to be a roommate perhaps, as I enjoy sharing a living room and daily rituals. I am challenging to please though and do not follow the core paths of thought most do in this world.

Yes, I enjoy being alone, but I also know the lonely abyss of missing a life partner and still wanting that sharing. The trick some people seem to learn is to no longer want it. Need is just wanting something more than you may need it. Or perhaps it is better said, neediness is wanting something more than you actually need it. I feel needy when I want something more than I need it. Almost a Pot-Shot, though I do not snap with your brilliance. :)

I lose myself in words, babbling, and find much amusement and comfort in writing to myself or to anyone who might care to read. I've gotten so used to writing in blogs to myself and anyone without responses that I seem to have forgotten how much I loved to communicate and correspondence is not as natural as it once was. Hundred page letters back and forth between pen pals was once a regular part of life for me. It's almost strange to write to an individual now. I smile, chuckle, and ponder why. Only slightly. :)

Anyway (the catch all segue word still very much in use in the babbling mind), I wrote to say I love you for the words you've brought into this life and for the thoughts your words inspired. May you continue for many more years.

I have your Pot Shot CD somewhere in storage, alas, much of the stuff of this life is in storage at this time, but I still enjoy the memories. A big box containing several hundred Pot Shot cards is also there, on antique paper by now as many were purchased in the sixties lol. Sadly, I must hold back on my desire for purchase, as I live very frugally at the moment, but if I win the lottery or something like that I will buy more new stuff.

Keep on keeping on, my friend in my mind. Know your life of words touched many and still does. I value your presence in this life above most others.

honest love,
ric