PS

More...

Oh my, how dramatical of me. Note the odd adverbal emphasis of the adjective objective coalescing into a sentence that would make some people's skin crawl, as if that metaphoric simile is even possible. I may have even mislabeled some of the literary turns of phrases in this mockery of language and self, but that is the fun of writing, always trying something new to get a point across... even if no one really understands it beyond the voices in my head.

I leave that for posterity (and you), to ponder.

I woke feeling shitty and after drinking 20 ounces of water and about the same of gatorade and leaving a really large poo soft in the poo repository (fecal material in soft-serve ice cream texture rising above the water line, if you really must know - as some do or we all poo, after all - and just think how my own body blog has been neglected even more than this body I loosely call mine has, really mucking it up now, aren't we? {speaking for the voices in my head, which get a rare second reference within the same writing session as if they really exist outside of a contextual form... only my inner hair dresser knows for sure, ya know?) and a cleansing shower and a cooling down, I feel much better now.

It is time to make the softball, however, so this writing mood must wait (with the same hope, naturally.

Cuz there is always hope (I hope) :)

Lest we forget.

So don't forget, m'ok? )

honest love,
me :)


Everything's better with hope :)

Sensing a Divergence

This belongs in letters to the night, however live journal shut that down, so it is here for now. If I return I may find or create another blog for this, but time is not available until later (hoping there is a later, of course, for who can predict the future). I will not even read for typos, just as is for now.

It was written to...

Ok, disorganized thoughts reflected in disorganized and intermittent writing likely stemming from a relatively disorganized and disconnected life at the moment.

Anyway, I woke with a muscle cramp in my upper right calf this morning. Anxiety? Stress? Fatigue? Medication Side effects? Dehydration? Electrolyte imbalance? Overheating? Another disease? The soft air mhattress that has me sleeping with my lower body slightly more elevated than my upper body and head? Cronic Kidney Disease? Congestive Heart Failure? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Multiple Sclerosis? Muscular Dystrophy? Simply Aging? Lack of exercise? Weight gain? Overeating Taco Bell and Bar food? Something in the supplements I consume? (Chromium, Vitamin B/C Complex, Multivitamin, Cinnamon, Apple Cider Vinegar, ?). Something else? A combination of these and possibly other factors?

I am not hypocondriacted, just an inquiring mind.

Some years ago I felt similar symptoms and attributed them to the side effects of the medication and I stopped the medication for a while, ignored my elevated blood pressure, and the cramping and heat exhaustion symptoms went away (as did the dry cough and fatigue), but was it that simple?

In any case, I prepare to head out to play a double header in the heat again. 1:00 pm and 2:00 pm games on the oven-baked fields with no shade or cooling factors. Some might call me foolish (or a lot worse), but I've done it for years (whole day tournaments and whole week tournaments in this sort of heat as well just over the last two summers and I did notice aging but I did fine and felt great).

Today is a test.

I hope to return here and not end up in the hospital again.

Or worse.

I hope these are not my last words.

At least there is still hope :)

There's always hope (I hope) :)

honest love,
me :)