This follows the previous entry here and comes from an email to the friend mentioned previously. It, through a series of edits and additions, seems to be becoming one of the more chronologically structured maps of the written gardens I've written in many years and while cursory in many spots, it could serve as one of the most detailed introductions to the online gardens I can offer at the moment, especially pertaining to the growth and expansion of the daily blogs.
As usual there will be the sudden asides, self-mockery, utter nonsense, and desperately seeking attention moments (which may well be a screening or pruning process as my friend posed for further pondering), but the bottom line path to the core of the child inside of me (who is me) might eventually show through the babble somewhere along the trail. I hope you enjoy your journey through this entry and if you find time and interest enough to click on links and explore further (it could take hundred of hours to read it all, maybe thousands, but who's counting, aye?), I hope you enjoy that even more (and will let me know). Make yourself comfortable, have refreshments on hand, and enjoy your journey. :)
I smile as ponder whether emailing increases my sense of loneliness or whether my increased sense of loneliness leads me back to email. Perhaps that is a reverse Catch-22, or 42, even, but either way, I enjoy emailing when I have time and feel motivated as much as I once enjoyed pen palling through snail mail. Communicating one on one with a human who responds is very different than communicating with the universe and anyone who may read my blogs.
Blogs may well be be a safety valve as well as a safe way to feel the illusion of sharing as, while no one else is required, there is also no risk of directly being ignored or rejected because the words are just put out there. That makes blogging very different than words sent directly to one person in an email communication that anticipate a direct response. Maybe blogs are a way of chickening out on direct one-on-one sharing a bit, but I do love writing so much and nobody's ever been able to keep up with the word flow, so blogs continue daily even when nobody's around to share words.
As eluded to above, back in the eighties and nineties I had hundreds of pen pals and published two magazines for people who wanted to communicate through words and I was still seeking more correspondence. Yes, so we've determined that blogs let me attempt to satisfy that addiction to writing when there are fewer or even no people around. That makes the whole process, all in all, a good thing. In case it matters. :)
As you may have noticed if you've been around for years or simply clicked on enough links, especially in the daily blogs, there are pivotal moments in life that trigger a new daily blog. I do maintain one primary daily blog and have since before the internet was invented. The progression online started with the, well (and that's where I started to inadvertently {and now a little more vertently} create the map this entry is posted to present... took a while, but then, always does around here... one of the charms, perhaps, for the word lovers among us... one of the valences, screens, mazes, prunings, ah, the secret is out, aye? lol... shhh, we'll get on with this entry now), lets see about putting it together here (for me as much as you and posterity... queue flashback music and visual effects in your mind as we travel back in time to the beginning of the online written gardens).
The online journals start with "Keep In Touch" or "KIT" (not the first web writing, that may come later as it is a different path back a little ways from this one). The babbler was fully in charge at the time so following along can be quite confusing but the journals split up into branches that compartmentalized "Lifetimes", "Worklife", "Hearbeats", and ultimately a daily journal. I believe the daily journal first entry online was this one (still not the first web page).
Key alternative introduction paths from those first ten years online include "The Bios", "Musical Journeys", and other blogs linked in the "Getting to Know Me" section of the most up to date index found here called "Blogs and other Strangers".
. . . . I see we are segueing into a sort of aside... the non-daily blog branches off the tree of madness (the self-mocking name I give the paths of the gardens from time to time)... the second attempt to actually introduce myself was this web page when all the rage was rambling on as if scrolling was the only way to read and write on the web (the first attempt may be lost... again, the babbler was fully loaded and my name online at the time was "Anonanonanon". That was actually my third online name. "Sharetruth" was first, "Childinside" was second... and before we digress any further, let's get back to the first digression, the introduction to the introductions and the attempted organization of the gardens, and then we will get back to the initial purpose for this writing, mapping the daily journal path).
The first entryway into my written gardens also the second attempt to introduce myself linked in the previous paragraph and it was eventually called the Front Door" after the other entry ways below were created. It and many of the pages of that time were deleted by ATT, though some still survive on the web thanks to the Internet Web Archive. That was my first continuous hello to the world online. The first page I ever wrote is linked somewhere in that mass of babbling. I think it's called the "Babbling Intro" and it should be linked somewhere on the long and winding Front Door page.
On another path of attempted organization, eventually, I created a "Main Gate" that had dreams of being the a mesmerizing portal that drew you back again and again as first page you'd see, but I never learned enough web code to make it anywhere close to mesmerizing. For a direct path into more personal pages I created a "Window" where friends were meant to climb in like friends do on many TV shows and in many movies. A bit later on, I created a "Back Door" where anyone wanting to know me could find out more about me in a closer, more personal babbling and rhyming way. That Back Door was updated when I moved to a paid for web host and as much of the gardens as I could salvage followed me there. Apologies as some links do not work there, but many thousands of pages can be found from the oldest to the newest if you care to follow the links.
Each of those entrances then branched off into collections of writings for different reasons and purposes. Most of these early branches were linked on the "Crossroads" page which was the primary main index until the current primary index (Blogs and other Strangers) was created out of the rubble of the ATT closure of free web pages.
There are 21 primary branches listed on the Crossroads and those branch off into an additional 45 sub-branches, each with dozens and in some cases hundreds of pages, though anything started after 2008 is only listed on the current primary index (Blogs and other Strangers) and none of those original primary or secondary branches include the journal branches which I was starting to try to follow and guide us through me, you, and posterity so maybe it's a good time to get back to that. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Writter Gardens, aye? :)
. . . . aside pausing to return to the daily journals. :)
The original daily journal was on my own home site provided by ATT. Eventually, I sought more interaction and audience and it bled into a few journals on more public sites. I moved to Live Journal, then Diaryland, then Blogspot. Several other sites, including Myspace, the Onion, and others offered blogs for a while and I expanded into those communities hoping for some attention, interaction, and ultimately the friend and "the one" with whom I dreamed of sharing everything and that was the original and still may be the bottom line reason I put my words online. Closest to the core.
So there was the first journal on my free home server and then the first step out of privacy was Candor at LiveJournal. This was accompanied by a darker journal called Mostly Dead (cuz that is often how I felt at the time) where I moaned and cried and let depression out because, at the time, life was quite depressing (and much more redundant than this current moment, which I may repeat again later). This was the lingering and somewhat permanent pain of the aftermath of the Toronto experience. This darker path of Mostly Dead continued after the move to Diaryland, though there it was mostly rhymes and rhymes are such sweet darkness, if you know what I mean.
Somehow reaching for some sort of optimism, hope, and happy happy joy joy I gave the dreamer (hopelessly hopeful romantic) who, while near death, a renewed reason to realize the dream (and I) was still very much alive and that love of life and longing for love came out in the next incarnation of a daily blog (which was mostly rhyming cuz the dreamer thinks in rhymes). This path continues, though not frequently, after the move to blogspot, here.
The rhyming was a wonderfully healing release but it was somewhat detached from a daily life journal, diary, or blog, so in an attempt to actually write prose daily diary entries and not just rhyme, I started "Behind the Candoor" which lasted a couple of years. The daily blogs were still dominated by the babbler which may have limited the audience (or so I told myself at the time when I'd get lonely and want someone to read me). Those blogs in those days did have some readers who left the occasional note and when I paid for them, comments too.
I am not sure, at least for the moment, if "Candoor" ever actually had a blog to get behind lol, but there is probably some clever connection to something somewhere in the name that I may recall in another session of trying to create a map of the written gardens. I know I was trying to share more of myself as I was healing inside. :)
Before I left Diaryland, a dozen other blogs started there for various reasons during that period and they still exist, though are seldom added to. The one I mention most often is "The Funda" because it was my first real attempt at brief blogging and it had a theme of sorts and participated in a blogathon or two. I was kinda proud of The Funda and feel it is both silly and profound at times.
The other Diaryland blogs, or diaries, are listed on the often mentioned current index called Blogs and other Strangers (and the layout of the lists of blogs and pages on this current index have their own madness I may explain another time, but not right now... thank me later lol):
The move to Blogspot, which was about 12 years ago at the time of this writing (yes, all that came before this line were at least 12 years old connections), was primarily to leave comments on Blogspot for dfriends who moved there from Diaryland and others I started reading there, but eventually I moved on from Diaryland because Diaryland charged $ and did not offer nearly the features Blogspot offered for free. So "Behind the Candoor" gave way to a new daily blog called "We have only just begun... in RealTime(TM)" commonly called "RealTime(TM)" for short when I refer to it. It lasted two more years. I believe it also came about because I changed positions at work and shifts/hours from night shift to day shift and was attempting a tad more seriousness and organization and brevity in order to attract more audience and find that friends and the one and so on. The brevity did not work.
Perhaps because I missed the irreverence of The Funda, I created "Bullsugar" at Blogspot and had fun pretending to be profound while being quite silly for a while. Again, this was a supplimental blog. Over the course of the next ten years more than a hundred other supplemental blogs were started at Blogspot and almost all are still added to sooner or later. Some babble, some rhyme, some are quite brief. Each one having it's own unique theme and style, mostly. :)
Back to the daily blogs, after a couple of years "RealTime(TM)" gave way to the longest running continuous daily blog, "(e)thereal" which was again a reaction to major changes in life, in this case moving and changing living space people (living alone the first year then having Jackson move in the rest of the eight years that particular blog flowed. As I mentioned (or started to) somewhere, daily blogs usually move from one to another when I moved, changed jobs, changed roommates, or when I really want to try a different style of writing and this time all of the above were factors as wanted to make a real effort to blog in brief entries. The babbler was given many other (as I said, what is now more than a hundred) blogs at Blogspot to satisfy the addiction to babbling and "(e)thereal" almost succeeded in brief entry blogging for the longest of any blogs, 8 years and almost 7,000 entries. I still visit when I come to the blog world for some ritualistic purpose or something. Never give up, never surrender, the dream goes on. It is probably the biggest test for anyone who wants to be truly close to me because it is so many entries and spans such a long time frame. "The one" has her work cut out for her lol. :)
The second titled section in the current index "Blogs and other Strangers" called "possible future dailies and undefined blogs just scratching the surface (sprouts)" lists the additional supplimentsstarted and used during the "(e)thereal" blog period as the (e)thereal blog was slowly winding down to it's relative end (nothing ever really ends in the written gardens, at least not while I can still tap a few keys and upload something). Each blog has a purpose that we'll save for another time cuz I do know how to show a little mercy lol :)
As is the almost inevitibly eventual eventuality for any daily life blog, (e)thereal finally gave way to the latest current daily blog just two months ago (at this writing), on leap day in fact, when a new format consisting of two separate blogs (plus a supplemental third blog) became the current daily blog (set). For the first time, these blogs actually have explanatory pages like "About this Blog" pages and more, for what they are worth, in an attempt to introduce the blogs, me, and anyone mentioned in the blogs.
The first of the current blog set is a intended to be a brief synopsis of each day and called "In Case It Matters" and it is the basic "just the facts" report of the day most of the time. The second part of the two part daily blog set is where the babbler can expound as much as he wishes (or as much as time permits that day or night) as he dives into whatever may be going on and it is called "Dirt, Drama, and Details" because it is the dirt, drama, and details of the daily life. And finally, for the moment, the supplemental blog which is not daily, but still connected to the daily in various ways, some yet to be determined, is called paragraphs and closes this tour of the daily blog branches. Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends and feel free to step inside. We dont bote. Much.
Of course I must include one more link just because my head might explode if I didn't and that is to a single page blog (so far) that kind of says - let me be - to anyone who would think I might be a bit disturbed or in any sort of distress (or actually succumbing to madness in some unhealthy way).
On this note, I will conclude this ridiculously self-indulgent tour of my written gardens (focusing primarily on the daily blogs with some expansion into supplemental blogs and the early pages and introductions scattered through) and now return you to your regular correspondence (which I will kindly start in another email. :)
Sooner or later I will publish this tour in a blog somewhere (wow, I'm prophetic, aye?) and I thank you, J, for the inspiration to take this walk these gardens with you and put this map guide thing together. I share this in the hope that you (and anyone) can better choose the place in my written gardens you would like to visit whenever you do. This provides a tapestry of how some of the gardens formed. The pruning, as you call it, and how I got to where I am today (with a little why thrown in cuz you care). :)
Are we having fun yet? lol lam :)
Hope it wasn't too painful.
honest love,
Yes, well... so therein exhibits some of the risks (letters, even before emails, would sometimes pause at a hundred pages and there have been sitings of single letters that went on for as many as five or six hundred pages.... books, no down, and long ones at that) of engaging in an email correspondence with me. No wonder I don't do it too often. Back in the day, the many hundreds of pen pals slowly became just dozens and of those dozens maybe a dozen hung in and kept up with the babbler (and fewere still actually followed all the long and winding roads woven through the words. A few reached the level of accepting exchanges where they'd receive hundreds of pages. It was an amazing marathon of words at times.
Perhaps the title of this blog finally makes sense. Or not, everything is relative, after all. :)
