i nodded off a bit sitting here with the laptop on my lap... our conversation says 'about an hour ago' which inspires a laugh...so i see you left words and i look at them now... and i'll try to respond even not quite sure how...
that is how i started a response to a friend i had not heard from in a year or more in response to a somewhat cryptic mystic obscure statement/question:
"time goes backwards"
no, don't spend it ALL in WON plays
as for next time, i was wondering... have you found that some : pressure, pain, or symmetry is agreeable for the long term?
and i nodded off, as i said, and woke to ponder the words and found myself thinking about my history and the choices i've made and the rest of my response, for what it's worth, follows:
ah, the man speaks in riddles, "time goes backwards" and so many references come to mind, but having the internet handy, i will see what is outside of my head before i look inside... a song?... the obvious reference seems easy to find... and there is pulp fiction and other movies that use flashback and rewind and other narrative techniques... there are reverse cameras, ps3s has one i heard... and another song... going to princeton?... and in my head...
what if time goes nowhere...
and if not all in won plays, then lose sometimes?... this seems to blend into the next query, yes, there is much value in symmetry, in knowing both sides of a coin, in experiencing the pleasure and the pain... in the pain education can be found that provides more appreciation of the pleasure, but more, in the pain the decision comes, the decision of strength - how strong will i be?... when will i give up?...
in pressure it is very similar... from physical pressure to peer pressure to family pressure to societal pressure to conform, there is the decision... ultimately, the question - how much shall i compromise?... how much shall i do what i do not want to do in order to get what i want in this world, in this life, and from others?...
it is not a matter of finding a middle like everybody else, on the contrary, to those who demand (out of fear of extremes or fear of change) that we all sit quietly in the middle i say - there must be at least two extremes for there to be a middle...
some don't get that...
the question i faced in my journey through the extremes was - how much independence did i want?... i decided i wanted all the independence i could get, which mean drifting a bit through life but also working way more than i ever thought i would...
reeling in the years on my memory to answer this question, i remember running away to the army to be free of my parents rules and to be independent from their teat... that was a nightmare in many ways because i because i had to depend on the government for money to pay for the semi-independence i had and had to follow all the government rules that i did not like... and then i wandered a bit and decided the streets were not where i wanted to live for as independent as that seems, the choices of what to do are very limited and i wanted to do more than was available living on charity... so i got a job and worked for others and along the way, i found a niche that satisfies me at work even though i would still like more time away from woirk - but that is my compromise... i could have taken more, saved more, given less, and had more now - but i love the memories of the life i lived and i love the life i live now...
my independence came from working jobs i enjoy which let me do anything i want to do within acceptable limits...
did i cop out?... a little... might i have done it differently if i could?... maybe... am i happy?... yup... and in the end, i think being happy is the answer i want from myself most...
and now i wonder - what is on your mind?
what prompts the questions?
and if you have not answered the questions for yourself yet, what possible answers do you ponder?
hope you are well tonight :)
hence, the title (aye?), what was the question again? :)
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